as I am

as a broken fool
it is that I find myself to be lost....
   but then that's just how things work   
       or really rather more how they don't

the reason for occurrence of recent reminder of this
 is due to arrival of time for renewal of my premium thing here
  and the continual complications performing the actions to do so

you see, though I've deep affections for this place and the amazing peoples here
 the actuality is I'd truly hoped by now I'd no longer be here  or anywhere at all
   and yet despite repetition it seems I'm no better at dieing than I was at living and so remain

thus the current difficulty arises that while I have enough funds for my non-existent existence 
  there is still necessity to have a credit card for these type of internet connected transactions
and the companies of such seem unwilling to supply one to ephemeral entities who are without fixed addresses... 

(now in the grand scheme of things, all this comes as minor irritation of no import I know
 but I require practice at communication even if just by use of excessive verbiage in irrational complaint)