world of the strange (light -side1)

another nearly undecipherable rant, something wish I could avoid
unfortunately it seems to help,   communication practice
as I've been responding better lately, which is a good thing, I hate having all this gratitude trapped inside
your comments and appreciation mean so much, yet evidently the words to express so are tangled up inside with all the rest
somehow this stream of consciousness venting of verbiage freeing me to say at least a little in return
(it'd be better to contain this part to journals, but if I had any control I wouldn't do it all, my advice is for ignoring what follows)
now here goes with some idea why it is difficult for me to reply, especially in accepting compliments

1 I really don't know what I'm doing-
first camera purchased approximately 4 yrs ago when I joined DA
if I'd known I would still be here/breathing, I would tried to learn to use it correctly
but instead I've staggered along randomly trying different things
...at one point did take a look at the book
it said not to do much of what I do  and vice versa
  don't point directly at sun,   hold still,   don't throw camera*
*camera durability & aerodynamics important because often the safest place to be is not with me)
so mostly my photography technique has been this -looking up while trying not to fall down
I'm weak in understanding settings and lack photoshop skills as well
for the sky I  generally rely on  multiple shots, crop and balance
a timer for occasional self shots then spastic movement of contrast/saturation bars until I look presentable
1=so it's difficult to claim capture these scenes is much my doing, resulting as they are from more fortune than talent

2 I'm not responsible for creating the beauty, the magic in these moments-
the amazing colors,  ever evolving configuration of clouds,  turbulent forms of fierce storms
all this already there, displayed on the great open stage of the plains
I am only observer to the spectacle *
*the only way I've ever 'caused' something to occur in the sky has been by going to special out of the way places, climbing a hill
and loudly taking issue with the gods until they respond, an unpleasant event of indescribable beauty     
impossible to photograph and too painful for a smart person to endure willfully,       ...I've only done a few times)
It could be said my role is to be where I am,  yet I feel since I don't always know where I am/will be that it shouldn't count in my favor
I don't plan a place to go for taking pictures, rather working in the area of wherever I happen to be
my only directed involvement is a feeling for the rhythms of the air and the natural cyclical movements of the sun
even this has no guarantee, anything or nothing may happen sometimes both with only minutes between
many my best shots have been accidental, missing many more by the brief window of opportunity of sudden event
-technically I do put a little more thought into the storm shots
 but since it seems the best place for viewing these powerful forces is by being front of them
 it is usually not wise thought-
2=difficult again to lay claim to unplanned capture of beauty created by another artist, of things beyond anything I could ever conceive 

(3) = my most impressive shots have only small portion of what was
 I am humbled by all I can't show,  the motion and sounds, the evolution, power
and knowing I can never share the true feeling,  never express the actual experience of these moments


Still despite too frequent silences and my proper proprietary concerns,
for ignoring this off putting babble, for  everything ....  all  this is and has been
always my thanks